While every toxic person is different, there are common traits and characteristics that frequently pop up. Here is a list of 50 warnings signs to help you spot and avoid toxic people in your life.
Common mistakes you should avoid when dealing with abuse
When abusers start cutting down their victims, they do not hand them a guide on what they should and shouldn’t do. Here are some pointers on how to avoid common mistakes made by those trapped in an abusive situation.
Read moreCommon mistakes you should avoid when dealing with abuse
Put somebody else in your shoes
Imagine if a friend were in your position and being abused. What advice would you give them?
How to tell if you are being abused
Some people have doubts as to whether or not they have been abused for various reasons:
- There are good moments mixed with abuse.
- Their ‘normal meter’ is broken. For people who have been brought up by “strict” parents, they may have difficulty spotting abusive behavior because it was normal to them.
Narcs will never tell you what they want: a babysitter for their emotions
Narcissists are desperately addicted to validation and need a source of emotional supply. What they really want is for others to give them admiration, adulation, and adoration. Unfortunately for them, they cannot communicate their needs because it would make them look bad. This makes life incredibly difficult for them. When they don’t get their emotional supply, they may lash out at the person denying them their supply. That person may be incredibly confused as to what the narcissist wants because narcissists do not communicate their twisted needs. Narcissists rarely keep any of their close friendships because they inevitably destroy their relationships. They cannot explain their toxic needs and begin to devalue their friends and allies when the toxic needs are not met. This often leaves the narcissist alone in the barren wasteland that is their life.
Read moreNarcs will never tell you what they want: a babysitter for their emotions
An abuser’s dating profile will not say: “Loves long walks on the beach while picking apart your flaws”
Toxic people know that they are ugly on the inside and know that nobody would be attracted to who they really are. They are not going to advertise their mental instabilities or their twisted emotional needs. A narcissist will not explain to you that they need to put others down because of their ‘babydick syndrome’. A sociopath will not explain to you that they need to hurt others to feel in control. Toxic people need to pretend to be somebody that they’re not to lure others into a relationship with them.
So, the question you should ask yourself is this: are you attracted to their false self or their true self?
Go to the police before Child Protective Services
Unfortunately, CPS agencies don’t do a great job at protecting children. The advocacy group Justice for Children specifically recommends that you go to the police first before CPS:
Fundamentally, most law enforcement officers are better trained to investigate crimes against children than a CPS caseworker. Importantly, since the focus of law enforcement is to bring the perpetrator to the bar of justice, they cannot make their case unless they collect the evidence needed by a prosecutor and protect their “Complaining Witness.” On the other hand, CPS caseworkers have a very high turnover rate, inadequate training in investigation, do NOT perform a criminal investigation, and are conflicted by the opposing mandates of child protection and “family preservation.”
Strategies that simply won’t work on abusive individuals
Insanity Is Doing the Same Thing Over and Over Again and Expecting Different Results
Unfortunately, many abuse victims stay in abusive relationships for far longer than they should and believe that they can change their abuser.
Read moreStrategies that simply won’t work on abusive individuals
A guide for teenagers with abusive parents
A guide for teenagers with abusive parents
(right-click → ‘save as’ to download)
The latest version of the guide can be found at PersonalGrowthHelp.com/AbusiveParents/
The 87-page guide contains information on:
- How to minimize abuse in the short term.
- Long-term options for getting out of an abusive household.
- How to undo mental damage caused by abuse.
If you are currently being abused, don’t give up. You are not legally obligated to live in an abusive household. There are options available to you for getting out of an abusive situation such as going to the police, getting a restraining order, emancipation, Job Corps, etc. You still have options even if you have been failed by the police, CPS (child protective services), adults, etc. If you do not feel safe going home, you do NOT have to go.