Put somebody else in your shoes

Imagine if a friend were in your position and being abused.  What advice would you give them?

Would you tell your friend that they should stay in an abusive situation (or to go back to it) so that they can hopefully someday get validated by their abuser?  Doubtful.  This simple test can help you see:

  1. Why your friends (the ones who understand how bad it is) are telling you that you should leave.
  2. Why it makes sense for you to leave.  If your friend was being abused, you would tell them to get out of their position as soon as they can.  You wouldn’t tell them to stick around so that they can try to change their abuser or blindly hope that their abuser will magically change.  You wouldn’t tell an abuse victim that they ‘deserved’ or ’caused’ their abuse because they were worthless, not good enough, or not perfect enough.

Looking at your situation from a different perspective might help you see more clearly.  Nobody deserves to be abused.  You are not worthless.  You are not crazy.  And it is not your fault.

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