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Credibility in court as an abuse victim

To be brutally honest, abuse victims are disadvantaged in legal proceedings because everyday people will have great difficulty understanding the victim’s counterintuitive behavior.  Many judges will wrongly assume that abuse victims will immediately flee when they are in danger.  Most people are deeply disturbed and confused when abuse victims go back to their abuser.  Fans of the pop star Rihanna were quite unhappy and perplexed when she went back to the man who brutally beat her.

Read moreCredibility in court as an abuse victim

You are not causing your abuse. It is not your fault.

Most abuse victims erroneously believe that they are somehow responsible for their abuse.  This is because our brains constantly draw connections between our actions and the consequences of those actions, sometimes coming to conclusions where none should be made.  When we procrastinate, it’s because our unconscious brain thinks that procrastination is a “good” idea because it creates immediate relief from an unpleasant task.  Obviously, procrastination is a terrible idea as it often makes the unpleasant task even more unpleasant.  In abusive situations, it is normal for the victim’s brain to wrongly conclude that the abuse is happening because the victim is not ‘good enough’.  Nothing could be further from the truth.

Read moreYou are not causing your abuse. It is not your fault.

Narcs will never tell you what they want: a babysitter for their emotions

Narcissists are desperately addicted to validation and need a source of emotional supply.  What they really want is for others to give them admiration, adulation, and adoration.  Unfortunately for them, they cannot communicate their needs because it would make them look bad.  This makes life incredibly difficult for them.  When they don’t get their emotional supply, they may lash out at the person denying them their supply.  That person may be incredibly confused as to what the narcissist wants because narcissists do not communicate their twisted needs.  Narcissists rarely keep any of their close friendships because they inevitably destroy their relationships.  They cannot explain their toxic needs and begin to devalue their friends and allies when the toxic needs are not met.  This often leaves the narcissist alone in the barren wasteland that is their life.

Read moreNarcs will never tell you what they want: a babysitter for their emotions

An abuser’s dating profile will not say: “Loves long walks on the beach while picking apart your flaws”

Toxic people know that they are ugly on the inside and know that nobody would be attracted to who they really are.  They are not going to advertise their mental instabilities or their twisted emotional needs.  A narcissist will not explain to you that they need to put others down because of their ‘babydick syndrome’.  A sociopath will not explain to you that they need to hurt others to feel in control.  Toxic people need to pretend to be somebody that they’re not to lure others into a relationship with them.

So, the question you should ask yourself is this: are you attracted to their false self or their true self?

Read moreAn abuser’s dating profile will not say: “Loves long walks on the beach while picking apart your flaws”

Go to the police before Child Protective Services

Unfortunately, CPS agencies don’t do a great job at protecting children.  The advocacy group Justice for Children specifically recommends that you go to the police first before CPS:

Fundamentally, most law enforcement officers are better trained to investigate crimes against children than a CPS caseworker. Importantly, since the focus of law enforcement is to bring the perpetrator to the bar of justice, they cannot make their case unless they collect the evidence needed by a prosecutor and protect their “Complaining Witness.” On the other hand, CPS caseworkers have a very high turnover rate, inadequate training in investigation, do NOT perform a criminal investigation, and are conflicted by the opposing mandates of child protection and “family preservation.”

Read moreGo to the police before Child Protective Services